I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
