Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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