I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
