I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
