Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
