Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
