I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
