we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
