My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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