the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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