I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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