She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
