by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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