i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
