don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
