just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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