No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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