God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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