Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
