I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
