this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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