Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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