Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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