She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
