Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
