his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
