It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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