k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
