i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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