i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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