took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
