I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
