If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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