i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
