he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
