Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
