so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
