Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
