is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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