Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
