and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
