I accidentally burped into my bong.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How external is "for external use only"?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize