Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
