Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
