So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
