You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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