hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
