JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Quick, to the slutcave!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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