Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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