so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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