Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
