guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
